My Elephant is Missing

I cannot find my elephant.
He must have run away.
He isn't on the sofa
where he promised he would stay.
I've looked around the living room,
the kitchen and the hall.

My elephant is missing
and I'm not sure who to call.
I'll need to get a bloodhound
who can track him by his scent,
or hire a house detective
to discover where he went.

He isn't in the basement
or the attic or the yard.
You'd think, to find an elephant
would not be quite so hard.

Perhaps I'll make some posters,
and I'll offer a reward.
I'd make it more, but fifty cents
is all I can afford.

If you should see my elephant,
he answers to "Jerome."
Please tell him that I miss him
and I wish he'd come back home.

He knows the way. It's up the street
and down our garden path.
And next time I won't warn him
when it's time to take his bath.

I Went to the Barber

I went to the barber.
He cut off my hair,
which would have been great,
but he didn't stop there.

He slipped with his scissors.
He snipped with his shears,
and cut off my eyebrows
and both of my ears.

I jumped in my seat
causing several more slips;
he cut off my nose
and my cheeks and my lips.

With one final slip-up
he cut off my head,
and that is the reason
I ended up dead.

So kids, if your dad tells you,
"You need a trim,"
just pull out this poem
and show it to him.

As soon as he reads this,
I'm willing to bet,
that that's the last haircut
that you'll ever get.

I`m cute

I'm clever whenever

I'm clever whenever
there's no one around.
Alone, on my own,
I profess I'm profound.

In private, I'm Einstein.
Secluded, I'm smart.
My genius increases
the more I'm apart.

It's true that to you that
I might appear thick.
When people are present
I'm dumb as a brick.

But don't think I'm daft
or not mentally sound.
Whenever I'm clever
there's no one around.

Gabby's Baby Beagle

(A Tongue Twister)

Gabby bought a baby beagle
at the beagle baby store.
Gabby gave her beagle kibble,
but he begged for bagels more.

Gabby loved her baby beagle;
gladly Gabby gave him one,
but her beagle grabbed the bag and
gulped them down till there were none.

So she took her baby beagle
to the bagel baker's store,
where the beagle gobbled bagels,
bags of bagels by the score.

Gabby's beagle gorged on bagels,
bigger bagels than before,
till she'd gobbled every bagel
in the baker's bagel store.

Gulping bagels bulges baby
beagles' bellies really big.
Say goodbye to baby beagle;
Gabby's beagle's now a pig.